Trying to just be ill with a toddler around!

I am ill ;-(

Ok so im not dying or anything but I sure as hell feel rough. I have flu. Sore, itchy, watery eyes, a runny yet blocked at the same time nose (how is this even possible?!), achy body, constant sneezing. You lye on one side and feel the bunged up shit clear from the higher nostril and fill up the lower one on the pillow. Then it runs and you have to blow for the millionth time, leaving your nose tip looking chafed,chapped and crispy. Its hell. Sorry for the graphics. I like to share 😉

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Give me a bad stomach any day over something that engulfs your whole head and impairs your vision and function! (Not today though thanks, I don’t need a bad stomach today on top of this, I was just saying.)

I usually get a really bad cold about once a year, around November most times. Well, its end of October so nearly on schedule. Last year my daughter was still two and into quite simple things so I could rest a bit. The year before that she was still a baby so would actually sit still a lot (and nap!), plus I had a partner to help when I needed to go upstairs and recover. Being ill with young children must be so much easier if you have a partner. Dont take them for granted when you are ill ever again! Trust me. You need them ;-).

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Above: Baby days x

This year is my first experience of being a single parent, dealing with being ill, with a full on toddler (She doesnt toddle anymore, I shouldn’t call her that!) still going 100 miles per hour, with a full on cold raging at around the same speed as her. Its exhausting! We are literally not allowed to be ill because they simply don’t give a crap! Children are selfish creatures of habit and comfort and they need what they need and its your job to do it all for them. They still demand toast within 2 seconds of waking up. They talk at you none stop whilst you try to stay awake and grunt back at them through snot rags and lots of steamy cups of honey and lemon (hold it under your nose, have a steam and a drink in one ha). They still trash the house. They still need to get out and get some fresh air. They are still lovely but generally annoying when you’re not feeling up to finding their antics sweet or amusing.

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Above: Menace with the face of an angel

Today I had to get her to the doctors as she has another cough that’s lasted about 4 days. Illness does not stop this kid, shes bright in herself, it does however, keep her awake (and me) coughing all night. So on a lack of sleep from the night before, I did not want to leave the house at all. I didn’t want to get dressed. Putting on my makeup onto puffy watery eyes was, in itself, a particularly hard challenge, however, as it happens, we made it. We have been out again to a jobcentre appointment for myself this afternoon, also stopping off at the park on the way back. Lots of walking, lots of interaction for a little one and lots of activity. Yet she still didn’t rest this afternoon like I had hoped she would.

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Above: Her mind was literally blown that our local park had new equipment today 😉 x

The truth is you have to just power on forward and get through it, especially if there’s no one to take them off your hands for a few hours so you can sleep like everyone else gets to do when they have the flu. It’s not easy but you just have to take your moments where you can.  I have to admit I snuck upstairs for 10 minutes today whilst she watched Casper and closed my eyes under my duvet, still not being able to sleep and switch off as a responsible mom but just having a few minutes breather without the tv blaring at my already spinning head. It didn’t last long. Those words every tired and over worked mom dreads being shouted up the stairs came shortly after. “Mom, where are you?”. Followed by manic footsteps and a tiny girl lunging towards me, all massive blue eyes and cheeky smiles, proceeding to then jump all over me on the bed, having great fun in the process. She thought it was great fun I couldn’t fight back much.

Dinner for her tonight was 2 fish fingers and some sliced cucumber. Lazy, none time-consuming and edible. Not a great meal in itself, I could have at least done her a few chips or some bread and butter or something but I plain couldn’t be bothered. There was no energy for menu planning. I spend a great deal of time making sure she eats well usually so I think I can be excused an off day.  I also read her a really short bedtime story as my voice wasnt up to it. She grasped my game and went about then reading it back to me for ages afterwards to delay my tactic from taking effect sooner than she would have liked. On the ball that one.

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Sometimes you have to forget about keeping up with mom of the year and do what helps you to survive, when you really need to of course. Regardless of how ill I feel today, and how it must sound like I am complaining to some, having her happy and healthy and with me is all that really matters in the bigger picture. Annoying as she has seemed in my ill face today, as most of you would agree, the alternative would be far worse.

I looked at her peacefully sleeping and the days annoyance vanished completely. I really think it’s this way for lots of us and if we notice our children and watch the good bits it can be so worth it over the time you spend with them. Family isnt boring or tedious if you notice the good stuff and feel fortunate to have it. Having children is the best thing anyone can do and I am so lucky to have her in my life. Also, thankfully, most of the time I am feeling in a better frame of mind to enjoy it too. Just flu is a killer ;-/.

I do love that girl. But I’m ill and I have my limits. The flip side is that her being under the weather too means she has settled at 6.30pm tonight! Bonus. Meaning I have time tonight to bath, blog and stretch hopefully. (If the annoying chavs outside letting off excessively loud and unnecessary fireworks don’t wake her up before I head to bed!)

I’m off to drink more honey and lemon. Night all xx

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Enjoying Lifes Simple Pleasures

After a bit of a rubbish few days during the week, I spent my weekend having fun. I pampered myself, I spent time with people in my life (which most weekends we don’t see anyone) and most of all, I enjoyed my little girl and the precious time we are fortunate enough to get together at the moment whilst she is still young and willing!

 

Above: Amazing what passes the time. She loves an app!

There is no beating around the bush, or sugar-coating it, the fact is that life in general is stressful. Whether you are happily married with kids, alone, widowed, playing the field, we all choose our own paths initially and have to deal with whatever consequences or life events happen because of those choices that we made. It is so easy to get bogged down with what is wrong in life that sometimes it seems like there is nothing to be thankful for. I feel this way a lot since last year. Some days I don’t feel anything and find the days both really hard and really long.

However, I am trying to make an effort and be thankful for something every day. This is something I am consciously making myself do. There is so much to be grateful for when you make yourself stop and just look. The fact is, I am alive. I am breathing. I have a wonderful healthy and funny little girl who makes me laugh every day (So much some days that I end up on the floor, with her giggling on top of me, by that point in fits of laughter herself). I get to spend lots of time with her at the moment. When I feel at my worst I keep trying to tell myself there is always somebody worse off. It doesn’t make the nights any less lonely or the fear of not having the future I want any easier. I still feel like I wont have the things I long for most and some days that is agonising for me. But I can’t do much about that today. So I have to live day by day and just see what happens and have hope I will still get what I need and want in time.

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There are children with horrible rare illnesses that will die before their parents. There are people snatched from one another in accidents who never recover from that loss or the shock of it. I do feel bad when I have been feeling sorry for myself and think of others going through so much worse. It’s all relative to personal issues I guess and as I have said before, you can’t really explain a loss until you have gone through it. I know it takes time.

Yesterday I took my best little lady out for lunch. Nothing fancy, just a new cafe we found. It didn’t matter where it was. It was the ritual of doing something together that mattered. My sister joined us too after a while. Emi loves going out to eat.

 

Above: Ladies that lunch x

Today I went for breakfast (Didnt have to cook!) followed by a trip around the shops looking at Halloween bits with Emi. (Everything is so exciting when you are 3!) I bought some candles to relax when I do my stretches later this evening. (Bright pink ones!) I found a new shop full of cake decorating tools (Those who know me know this will excite me greatly on future trips into my town 😉 ) My daughter was happy. She spent time with both me and her dad today. She often misses him, so I was happy for her today that she was so content. (But hyper too!) She also spent the night at my sisters last night and had an absolute blast watering her garden, doing gymnastics and getting to have her fun time with her Aunty. This little girl has so much love in her life that it really fills my heart with happiness that she is so loved as a consequence of us bringing her into this world. It also gave me a rare morning with my sister, chatting together early this sunny Sunday morning whilst drinking tea, talking make-up, hair and hearing stories of their fun antics from the night before. It was a lovely, out of the ordinary routine, catch up and I enjoyed it immensely.

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Above: Absolute Pure Joy. Enjoying her adventure to Aunty Jemmas x

We made brownies this afternoon (Which didn’t work for some reason, I wasnt too thankful for that!) But a covering of ice cream and they were still edible! My daughter did a new painting for the fridge and was very pleased with her handy work. It will make me smile when I make a cup of tea now in its new pride of place.

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Above: Emis Art 😉

We caught up on Great British Menu and relaxed this afternoon after a busy morning. It was a nice Sunday.

It may not be the most exciting weekend to some but I really have enjoyed just stopping and noticing the little things and will try to do it more often. I’m not saying I wont feel crap about things or have bad days. But I would like more good ones. Life is short after all.

Sometimes the simple pleasures are just enough to get us through, if we notice them x

 

 

 

When lipstick is the answer!

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I’m having one of those days!

You know the sort. We all feel like this at times, especially as single parents who have been faced with hardship or pain and are still trying to find their way through it.

Those days where you don’t want to get up but know you have to with a little person talking to you at 6am. Those days where everything feels at an all time low and you can’t understand where people’s empathy has gone when they say “That was a year ago, get over it”. Those days when you get no sleep the night before because after a good week of living with your little one, a bad night suddenly creeps up on you and you lye awake unintentionally thinking about all the bad things that have happened then get over tired and don’t sleep at all. Those days where the weather is so dull and heavy that is gives you a personality to suit! Those days where life feels out of your control and you can’t see a way forward with current relationships or situations. Those days where you look in the mirror and are confronted with new grey hairs, duller skin and deeper set eye bags, seemingly much more prominent than yesterdays offerings.

We all have these days, I know it’s not just me! But today is my turn.

I took my daughter into nursery today looking and feeling like utter crap. (Its true!) There comes a point where you sort of give up looking after yourself a little bit when you feel so low. (I’m not trekking up the hill in a dressing gown or anything, im washed and dressed at least, but with as little effort as possible, as it takes so much effort to do it.) I have done really well keeping up my yoga the last week but the last few days it has slipped and my mood has slid with it! Sometimes you just don’t have the energy!

I was going to head home and pretend I had no housework or phone calls to make and just lye around drinking tea all day whilst I had the chance. After realising this would only heighten my thinking and negative feelings today, I instead did something that I hardly ever do. I walked into my local town (even though days like this I hate people in general ha) and went shopping. Ok so I do go shopping, but it will be for food or household items. If I buy a new top it will most of the time be a quick pick up from a charity shop or a bargain I have had delivered to the house that I have found on Ebay. I never go and just shop or buy none essentials for me. Today I needed a bit of retail therapy.

Ok, so I still didn’t spend a lot, but I hit the makeup isle in boots and decided my face needed sprucing up. I came away with a new lipstick, a blusher, a highlighter and some eye shadow. Not masses but treats I never otherwise allow myself. I also hit the charity shops for a proper browse child free and came away with a few nice bits from Wallis and Topshop (at charity shop prices of course!). I came home, dyed my hair, sat in the bath for an hour and did nothing. I then applied my new make up, dried my freshly dyed hair and tested my clothes out. What a self-indulgent day eh?!

The housework didn’t get done today. My phone calls still need to be made. I will have to fit in some study for my course tonight instead. Theres a pile of washing on the kitchen floor I have just stepped over to make a cup of tea. Whats happening in my life today is still happening. However, I feel so much better in myself and most importantly am composed again to take my little girl to the park and be present with her in a calmer state of mind than I was this morning. I took a selfish pampering day, something I never do! I put myself before all the jobs that really needed to be done, something I never do. And I have realised that it is ok sometimes to do that! I feel better anyway with my grey covered and a splash of colour on myself.

This morning I was on the verge of tears and after a bit of self therapy I now feel ready for a fun packed afternoon when I pick my daughter up. I couldn’t be so self-indulgent every day of course. But some days its just needed. And lets face it, tomorrow is another day. Things can only get better, as they say! I am so glad I bought that lipstick 😉 ximg14758434965221